


Choice

by noshoesangel



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: F/M, Feelings, Light Angst, Self-Reflection, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 12:39:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4020082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noshoesangel/pseuds/noshoesangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long drabble in two parts.<br/>Self-reflection set in episode 3 x 03.<br/>Minor Spoiler Alert for Season 3.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Phryne

**Author's Note:**

> I have been fussing over this for days and finally decided just to post.  
> My intent was to explore some of the interesting undercurrents that I think have been running through season 3 thus far - it turned out a bit more angsty than I expected, but overall I'm fairly pleased.  
> Comments and constructive reviews are always appreciated.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally.

_Never apologize for who you are_ – words to live by and indeed, ones she has embraced wholeheartedly. She does what she pleases, when she pleases, and with whom she pleases and does not waste time with regrets and self-doubt. Not that she would say she is selfish, mind you – she cares for others as wholeheartedly as she does herself, as evidenced by the distinctive little family she has surrounded herself with. Loyal Cec and Bert, steadfast Mr. B., feisty Jane, adorable Dot and now even Hugh.

And Detective Inspector Jack Robinson. Loyal and brave, noble and honourable, steady and restrained, yet, she has no doubt, deeply caring and passionate. What role he occupies in her little family, though, she is uncertain of, at this moment more than ever. How could she describe her relationship with Detective Inspector Jack Robinson? Advantageous, tempestuous...

_Intimate._

The word leaps to mind with a startling and entirely disquieting clarity. Rene Dubois had taught her well: pleasure and intimacy should never be mistaken for one another, nor should they be combined as the end result is, inevitably, exposure and vulnerability. The pursuit of pleasure, then, is the only reasonable choice, and it is one that has served her well. Happiness, however brief, must be pursued whenever and wherever possible. Another life lesson, gleaned from the pain of her past - Janey, dear Janey...

And so she enjoys the benefits of a self-directed life. Destiny and fate are meaningless words that afford only a sense of powerlessness. Choice is the true power in the world: and with choice comes the most wonderful freedom. Free though she is, she is aware that the choice of others may, at times, have unanticipated influence on her own life... others, like Jack.

Another memory surfaces unbidden: the dark time after the murder of Gertie Haynes. It was Phryne’s choices that led to Jack’s _[brief]_ removal from her life... cause and effect directly linked to who she is, who she chose to be. But he never threatened her freedom, simply made his choice and walked away.

And yet ... his re-entry into her life had been completely out of her control. It was his choice, not hers, that brought their relationship back into working order – changed, yet somehow stronger than before. What must he have gone through to make that decision? She had never asked herself that question before, accepting the decision with relief, yes, but also a sense of inevitability. Of course he would come back, they worked too well together professionally, they were too good together as a pair ... but she realizes, now for the first time, that a different choice made by Jack could have meant a very significant void in her own life.

The thought is staggering.

Moments, flashes of her “constant parade” dance through her mind. She thinks of Compton, the night at the base... even now she was not certain exactly what had driven her to chase barefooted after Jack. She wishes she could attribute it to the drive to solve the mystery but that doesn’t account for the need she felt to justify her choices to Jack. Once again he hadn’t asked, hadn’t pried, hadn’t given her so much as a disapproving glance, simply accepted the encounter and moved on. As with all the others, she had been interested in pleasure for pleasure’s sake, beyond that it meant very little. And yet for the first time she’d needed to clarify, inadequate though the explanation was. “Just reminiscing” -- even now the words ring harshly in her ears.

And most recently, her little dalliance with Guido ... she’d caught Jack’s knowing glance in the interview room, knew that he knew... it discomfited her a little that he caught on so quickly now, not because she feared censure, but rather because of the implication of the depth of his ability to read her. Especially since her ability to read _him_ is not quite as comprehensive as she thought. Concetta had truly surprised her.

It is obvious Concetta is drawn to Jack, and their interactions display certain very specific signs. Jealousy is never a feeling she would admit to, however she finds herself wondering what Jack and Concetta’s relationship might mean to her own relationship with Jack. Phryne tries to imagine a future wherein he turns away from her toward an Italian-flavoured indulgence. The anticipation of the loss of them, her and Jack, of ...intimacy... tightens her shoulders and clogs her throat.

This is the sharp edge of the freedom choice offers: independent though they are, the ripples of her choices have become entwined with those of Detective Inspector Jack Robinson. The thought is imprecise, half-formed, and yet Phryne senses a crossroads approaching, another point of no return. Choice brought her, brought them, to this place and choice will inevitably move them onward.

But once again she is no longer in control of what that choice will be.


	2. Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have read and reviewed the first chapter of this little fic -- I truly appreciate your comments and kudos!  
> Here is part two -- Jack's reflections. It is shorter than part one but I think his internal struggle, while no less difficult, is perhaps a bit more clear-cut than Phryne's.  
> Hope you enjoy!

What was he to do? That was the question that had plagued him without end ... Concetta’s proposal had been sudden, but not entirely unexpected. Jack is not unaware of her affection toward him, and equally aware of his own pull toward her. Concetta is lovely, strong, caring ... and something about her calls to the protector inside of him. He cares for her, truly, and knows he could cherish her, give her the life she deserves.

Is he intoxicated by her, drawn inexorably to her presence, passion filling his very soul with fire? No, she is not the one who inspires these feelings within him. But Jack is no longer young and inexperienced, full of fanciful hopes and dreams for a lifetime ahead. He has seen too much, experienced too much of the real world to be lured into the false belief that passion is the only worthy _raison d’être_. Passion is exciting, invigorating and yes, vital in a sense, however relationships are so much more than that and it is the lure of that ... intimacy ... that weaves like a thread through his thoughts as he contemplates the choice before him.

He is not naive – he knows the dreams, the desires that life with Concetta would fulfill, just as he knows choosing _her_ will fulfill an entirely different set of desires.

Life with Concetta promises contentment, affection, commitment ... perhaps even family. Life with Phryne – well, excitement, danger, passion are never far away even now. There is the hope for a transformation in their relationship, someday... yet there are no promises, no guarantees. His conviction to never ask her to be less than she is has not wavered and she has, as yet, shown no inclination to move their relationship forward in a truly meaningful way – dinner invitations notwithstanding.

This, then is the true nature of choice: to choose means, inevitably, to invite loss.

But he is no stranger to loss, and it doesn’t frighten him. And in the end, he realizes, the choice he has to make has relatively little to do with either woman. The honest choice, the right choice, is the one wherein he is true to himself, first and foremost. Because to go against everything he is would lead inevitably to disaster with either woman. And in the end, the answer to the question, “what do I do?” is so very simple, although by no means easy.

Choose.


End file.
